hey hi 👋

Tuesday, July 11, 2023

(This was originally posted on cohost)

I’m Tyler (also sometimes Tyler Rhys or just Rhys), and I use he/they pronouns now.

What does that mean? It means you can still call me “he”, but I’d love it if you sprinkle in a “they” every now and then (as a treat).

Why now? This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long while, because I’ve never felt like a “man”, even in the broadest sense of the word. I’m also not quite non-binary, but somewhere in-between (“gendy-nooch” is a silly term I heard a bit ago, but I think it fits pretty well here because I’m also a little silly). I spent a lot of time internally trying on different pronouns for myself, and (so far) this combination has made me happiest, and I feel more confident in myself as a person when I use them.

Why not sooner? I’ve put off using he/they publicly because to the outside world I look like a white, straight man in a white, straight relationship. And I like how I look, and I love my relationship! But I don’t “look the part”, so to speak, and I didn’t want to run the risk of giving conservatives any ammunition in their bad faith “these damn millennials are just going non-binary to be cool” arguments. I still don’t, and that part is actually still pretty scary to me.

What next? In general, I’m trying to come out of my shell a bit more. I was saying to my partner the other day that I’ve gotten very used to playing the character of Tyler — I know what he’ll say in most scenarios, or what people expect of him — and I often feel stuck within that role, like a repertoire theatre actor who’s only allowed to play the same part every day. So I’m going to be spending time just learning to let loose a little (emphasis on “a little” — I started a whole separate private account for all the things I’m still scared of putting on main lol), saying yes to things that scare me, and trying to be happy just for happiness’s sake. ❤️ Life’s too short to not give yourself a chance.